Bronteana: Bronte Studies Blog Archives

October 24, 2005


Filed under: Bronteana,Comic Books,Fan Fiction,Fun,Games,Jane Eyre,Parodies,Uncategorized — by bronteana @ 9:37 pm

Jane Eyre by Telegram.

Yes! You read correctly. Jane Eyre by telegram… I am being buried now, beneath piles of exams. I marked a good many today, and I have an exam to proctor tomorrow as well as one to sit! I will take the time now, while I can catch my breath and save for future reference, some of the more amusing pastimes of a few Brontephiles- namely me, and my friends. Projects like Jane Eyre by Telegram, but other projects suggested include a blogged version of Wuthering Heights (with journal entries by each of the characters), and there's also a huge Jane Eyre comic book that I made, and half of one of Villette.

Jane Eyre by Telegram was first proposed by Aidan, on august 18th 2005 at 2:56 PM. We didn't get very far because we all got so excited! But there was one telegram that arrived far too early:

"Jane stop Jane stop Jane stop Mr Rochester stop."

Others never made it at all:

{This telegram was never sent- having slipped into a crack of the post office floor.}jane eyre stop i love you stop mr rochester stop

Here's a selection of my favourites from all parties:

dear doll stop i am here at school stop i have met a very nice girl who does not despise me stop i am sending you a telegram because i am so cold i can not speak stop i hope we have something good to eat this morning stop love jane

dear God stop kill me know or let me at least run away stop sob sob sob stop yes i will run away and live again in europe stop i know that i'm not crazy even though i am sending a telegram to God stop it's better than carrying out this suicide attempt stop speaking of which i should put these pistols away now before wife gets them stop again stop yours agonisingly edward

"God is currently busy and cannot take your call please hold *sounds of Greensleeves*"Dear St John,We're writing in regard to your latest shipment of beef. It never showed up and we're running low on supplies. We need fresh meat otherwise we will surely go out of business. Please provide some.Yours sincerely,Rhajid Bhaskar,Manager of The Calcutta Grilling Co.

Hahahahaha stop Thornfield is mine all mine stop Hahahahha stop have died suddenly stop Rowland Rochester

mamma stop i am having a frightfully good time here in town stop everybody likes me and they are always getting up gambling parties just for me stop i need more money though stop send me by wire stop your own rapscallion john

dear god stop your favourite son here stop all these children are dying and people are blaming me stop help stop they are actually going to start feeding them stop please strike down the unbelievers stop awaiting your divine wrath stop brocklehurst stop

dear jane stop my husband's great stop however I just won't ever write to you again stop he doesn't let me have contact with any of my close friends stop send help stop i mean i am perfectly happy with married life stop the former miss temple

0948 stop a woman came in and said the code word stop but not the rest of it stop she did not seem to know anything stop however there really was a letter for J.E. stop can not be a coincidence stop advise following the woman who headed towards lowood stop postmistress stop

Agnes Grey stop thank you for your reply stop but we have already secured a governess stop have a nice life stop mrs. fairfax stop

dear mademoiselle jeanette arrete je suis very happy to have a governante arrete i mean governess stop i have stopped jumping on the matresses in the third story stop may i now have some cake stop Adella Varens

what the deuce is to do now stop mr rochester stop

for once i wish someone would care about my welfare in these situations stop mesrour stop

To Theatrical Equipment Proprieters, Millcote sir stop you have sent me the wrong costume stop i wanted a female gypsy outfit stop the skirt must have a wide waistband stop nevermind what it is for stop just send it to me stop mr. rochester

john stop please get the gardner to fix up the lawns stop miss eyre has created ruts in the grass with all of her pacing stop it looks awful stop mrs. fairfax stop

john stop go out and purchase a doll and a dress or whatever for adele stop i could not be bothered to get anything for her when i was abroad and now she is bugging me stop mr rochester stop



  1. Bwahahahahaha! Very funny!

    Comment by rinabeana — October 24, 2005 @ 10:36 pm |Reply

  2. hahaha that was hilaroius! I loved the St John and beef one!!!

    oh Bronteana, please do let me know of the other projects you mentioned. I’d love to take part too! This is simply awesome!!

    Thanks so much!

    Comment by mysticgypsy — October 25, 2005 @ 12:27 am |Reply

  3. to Rinabeana:

    Merci. 🙂 We really should finish it- it was so fun. We’re all so darn witty! lol 😀

    Comment by Brontëana — October 25, 2005 @ 10:01 pm |Reply

  4. Ah, that was one of Aidan’s. We all hate St John for various reasons. 😉 I liked the one about the gypsy outfit, and the code word “J.E.”

    If we ever get around to them, I will! We did something else… Oh yes, a “really terrible” and possible never to actually be attempted cast recording of JE the musical using only computer microphones… and girls. My friend Monica already did some of Rochester’s songs, and I’m playing St.John. bahahah! Our Jane is now in a convent for REAL so we might have to bid adieu to even the remotest chance that we would ever actually do this. 😉 It was just a bit of silly… although I do have a recording of soprano Rochesterness now. 😀

    Comment by Brontëana — October 25, 2005 @ 10:05 pm |Reply

  5. LOL, gah, that was fun! I even had an idea for a telegram when we got to St. John. Something about St. John’s Cambridge friends telegraming him not to come and visit cause they were tired of him trying to recruit them to be missionaries. 😀

    Comment by ThisbeCiel — October 26, 2005 @ 11:38 pm |Reply

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